


Hushed Goodbyes

by TheFlamingNymph



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Colonist (Mass Effect), Crying, Established Relationship, F/M, Goodbyes, Paragon Commander Shepard, Tough Women Crying, Vanguard (Mass Effect), Video Goodbye, War Hero (Mass Effect)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 05:42:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4865216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlamingNymph/pseuds/TheFlamingNymph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before the final push on Earth, Aeryn finds herself in possession of a vid camera, and unable to sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hushed Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> Musing with MzRogueRaz led to this beautifully heartwrenching scene. Reformatted from the original text version to a fic format so everyone can join us in the feels. This is an AU in which there are two Commander Shepards, and Thane lives through the events of the games, cured of his Keprals.

It was her cabin, dimly lit from the light shed from the aquarium wall, casting just enough light on her face to show the red puffiness encompassing her eyes. She sat forward, elbows braced on her knees as she regarded the camera. She sighed heavily, shaking her head slightly before looking into the camera again. “I should be saying these things to you directly, but I couldn’t. Not tonight. What was the term you used? Tu-fira? Lost in another? That’s what I needed tonight, instead of words but… If I don’t record this, if I don’t say these things now, then they’ll never be said, and you need to know how I feel.” Her voice was soft, quiet and her eyes flickered to the right momentarily.

  
There was a long pause as she gathered her thoughts, passing a hand over her face. “I don’t know if the drell have a concept of fate or destiny, but for humans, those words can mean a lot. I never used to believe in them, because it made things wrong. Using fate or destiny to describe what happened to my family on Mindoir?” She shook her head, sighing and tucking her hair back behind her ear. “I couldn’t. Didn’t really believe in it even after Elysium, when everyone was associating those words with me. I believe in them now, though. I believe in so many more things now, because of you.

  
“I didn’t know I was asleep until you came and woke me up. I never thought about it. It just made sense to me that I’d die in my uniform. I’d have been dead without the Alliance, so it was only right that my life be theirs to use as they see fit.” She paused, laughing softly, her voice shaking. She gripped her hand together tightly. “In a way, I guess it’s a lot like your Compact with the hanar. I don’t think I really understood the Compact until right now. Don’t get me wrong, I found joy in this life of mine, and friends, even love. But even Ryal and Kaidan never made me question how I would die, or whether that bothered me.

  
“You did. Our talks in life support… they changed everything. Made me question everything. How I would die, how I wanted to die, how I lived and how I wanted to live.” She sniffled, taking a shaking breath as she wiped at the corner of her eye. “They brought me peace. They brought me closer to you. You were dying, but we were headed to a self proclaimed suicide mission. We were both supposed to die. I didn’t want to die regretting never getting to experience living with you.” She stopped, chewing her cheek as her chest heaved a little. When she continued, her voice was even softer. “We woke each other up, how is that not fate?”

  
“I never questioned how I wanted to die or how I thought I was going to die until you.” She took a deep, shuddering breath, her next words coming out a little faster, a little louder, more emotional. “Now it’s too late. This is my battle, my war, has been for three years. I can’t back out now, you wouldn’t respect me if I did. I wouldn’t be your Siha if I did.” She raked a hand through her hair, keeping it there. “And I’m going to fight very hard to make it back to you, but I can’t lie about my chances of survival, I never could. Every Reaper in this galaxy wants me and Ryal dead, specifically, and they’ll be trying their best. This is more a suicide mission than the Collector base ever was, and this time I can’t let you follow.” She sighed heavily again, releasing her hair. “I promised Kolyat I would get you out alive if I could, that I’d do everything I can, and that means leaving you behind. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me for that.

  
“I love you, Thane Krios, and I always will.” Her eyes were watering now, her voice growing thicker. “Please, enjoy our memories, but don’t lose yourself in them. You… you can’t, absolutely can’t, fall into your battle sleep this time. Promise me.” A sob broke through, and her chest was heaving with the effort of trying to control her emotions. “Kolyat needs you, and you have a whole life ahead of you now. There’s going to me so much in your future, a daughter-in-law, grandchildren… Someone needs to tell them about the Reaper War. Not the bad parts that everyone knows. They need to know the good parts of it. The funny parts, the laughs and the love. How you helped the Saviors of the Galaxy fight their evil clones, and the party that was thrown afterwards. The krogan headbutts and the dancing.” Another sob ripped from her, and her head fell into her hands. “How you fell in love with one, and called her Siha… and how she would have loved being a part of the family. I--”

  
“Siha?” His voice was lower than usually, rougher with sleep and concern.

  
Her head snapped up and she jumped, her hand hitting something behind the camera a second before the vid abruptly ended.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos make me squee, comments give me life.


End file.
